Josh Made A Rap Song

Posted: May 17, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I just produced a rap song featuring young southern rapper: ABEZ.   Let me know what you guys think :)

If you grew up in the 80’s like me then you pretty much know what The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are (and if you don’t then kindly leave and never come back please.)  I loved anything Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid.  I had all the toys, I watched all the episodes on TV, I owned the movies, I even still have their damn green faces on hockey pucks on my shelf for shell’s sake.  So you’ll imagine my surprise (I came in my pants) when I found out that there was a TV movie released last year featuring not only the current version of the Ninja Turtles but also their 1980’s counterparts.  Without getting into any heavy spoilers, if you are a TMNT fan this movie is a MUST WATCH.  Many people don’t know that before the 1980’s cartoon the comic book versions of the Turtles were gritty, killing machines, who acted like real ninjas.  The comic was done in black and white and their was lots of blood and the turtles were taken as serious.  This makes the movie even funnier as the “new” turtles can’t help but make fun of their 1980’s counterparts and things like “Their initials on their belts.”

I haven’t watched much of the new turtles series but this made me want to start as they seem like they are closer to reality then the 1980’s version (as realistic as you can get when you’re talking about a story about ninja turtles.)  If you’re a fan of the 1980’s series everything you could possibly want is here:  1980’s shredder returns complete with bebop, rocksteady, and krang, you get to see the old turtle mobile and turtle blimp, and you get to see 1980’s Splinter and April (a great joke about her in a yellow jump suit is made.)

I was skeptical going in to watching this movie but all in all, bottom line, I thought it was awesome.  The comic book turtles also make a brief appearance and finally get to show the TV audience what they’ve been missing for 25 years.  The TMNT franchise has now been bought by nickelodeon so I don’t now what the future holds of the property but if you’re in need of your turtle fix I highly recommend this film.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go dust off some of my VHS tapes and maybe buy some old school Turtles comics… GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO!!!

I don’t usually like to talk/post about anything political in here but Matt came up with a great idea for a Meme/cartoon so it had to be made. As most of you don’t know, there is a Canadian election coming up so this one involves Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his estranged family. (I know no one gives a shit about Canadian politics, I’m sorry.)

There goes the neighbourhood

I was sent a video a couple days ago by my good friend Elise, who told me it was a, “must watch.”  The video is of a nut bag Christian who tries to explain that the tragedy in Japan was God’s way of showing that he exists.  After watching the video and taking a few days to organize my anger and rage into rational thought, I am ready to blog about it.  First off, let me start by saying that I have many different beliefs and theories concerning religion and our creation and what have you.  I was brought up catholic but I am very open to other possibilities (including that super apes are our masters) and beliefs.  That being said I think this chick is a fucking whack job.  I have to stop the video a minute and a half into it because I didn’t want to break my laptop in anger.  First of all let’s break down her theory as to what happened in very simple terms.  This young lady believes that:

A) Her church group/nut ball friends prayed to god to give him a sign that he existed

B) God responded by “grabbing” Japan and saying “Here I am guys!!!!”

C) This Heavenly “Hello” resulted in thousands of deaths.

D) God is coming for us next.

Read all of those a second and third time………………….

I don’t even know where to start.  There have been many times where a bunch of wack jobs come together, think its the end of the world and go nuts about it (y2K anyone?) and then it passes and they either commit suicide or go on with their miserable lives.  One thing I find hilarious about this whole thing is that she keeps going on about how “America is next.”  I’m assuming she lives somewhere in North America so why the fuck would she want something bad to happen there?  Does she think God sends out little homing missiles that will only hit the bad guys?  I hope God comes down just for the sole purpose of hadouken’ing this bitch right in her face.   I can just imagine what this girls prayers are like now:

Dear God,

I know you didn’t answer me when I wanted an “A” on that book report or when I wanted Nick Carter to take my virginity, or when I asked you to have my parents drive off a cliff because they wouldn’t get me a new puppy when I wanted… But you killed thousands of Japanese people so this makes up for everything.

love,

stupid bitch.

Side Note:  If this girl turns out to be right by April 23rd some major shit could be going down so I’d stock up on bottled water and Chef Boyardee just in case ;)

We here at the Sticky Fingers Blog pride ourselves on being on top of (and making fun of) the latest trends.  With that in mind may I present to you our very own Tiger Blood Meme……


I want to start this post off by saying that I’m a big fan of Criminal Minds and I had high hopes for it’s new spin-off show entitled, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. I’m not a huge fan of spin-off shows, especially since Law and Order seemingly had a spin-off from everything from SVU to Law and Order: Mall Cops but that’s an article for a different day.  I had high expectations for this show since its predecessor is so well done and was hoping the show wouldn’t disappoint.  Don’t get me wrong, the show is interesting and some of the storylines are well thought out and well put together but there is one thing (or person) that makes the show unbearable.  This man’s name is Forest Whitaker.

I’m guessing that having an Oscar winning actor for your show is some sort of good selling point  (and you need all the help you can get when the other main star on your show is Janeane Garofalo) but there is one fundamental problem with this theory: THE FUCKER CAN’T ACT.  Sure, he’s won an Oscar but this is also a man who co-starred in what is widely considered to be one of if not THE worst movie of all time, Battlefield Earth. I don’t know how one guy could, in the same lifetime, be an Oscar winner and be in one of the worse films in fucking history.  That is the sort of paradox that Doc Brown warned us would destroy the space time continuum.  I wouldn’t be surprised if all this gloom and doom and Super Moon bullshit was a direct result of the fact that this guy somehow was acknowledged at one point as a good actor.

I’m sure in some arty bullshit piece of shit movie his acting seems fine but this guy is a classic over-actor.  He has to make EVERY scene fucking way more dramatic than it’s supposed to be, he reminds me of a black William Shatner.  His acting at some point reaches laughable levels.  The way he talks, I actually at one point thought that the writes of the show took the character of Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle, made a back story that he somehow became un-disabled and joined the FBI and wrote him into the show…. HE’S THAT BAD.  It’s hard for me to take anything seriously when this guy is on the screen and that’s a huge problem when he’s the main character on the fucking show, the guy we are supposed to be rooting for.  I’m no fucking Tom Hanks myself but I always thought the point of acting was to make people believe that you are the actual character you are portraying.  I don’t for one second believe this guy is a fucking cop.  To me, he seems like a guy trying too hard and it comes off really poorly and unless cops break out into dramatic soliloquies in the middle of no where 256 times a day for no fucking reason that this guy isn’t playing a cop.    Someone should send a memo to Forest and tell him that this is a crime drama and not a production of Hamlet being performed in front of The Queen of England.  He better figure it out fast before this show turns into:  Criminal Minds: Canceled Piece of Dog Shit.

Alright, back to business today on the blog.  I had a cold/flu but that’s no excuse as I was over it 4-5 days ago and out of pure laziness didn’t want to post anything.  Luckily for me I got some people that actually want to write on the blog for me now so I don’t have to do any work if I don’t want too.  Tomorrow I will be writing about how I hate the acting abilities of one, Forest Whitaker but for now enjoy my friend Matt as he rips apart the internet’s newest sensation: Rebecca Black.

EDITORS NOTE:  The Video for the song can be found here. Also the song is fucking horrible, you’ve been warned.

Rebecca Black is a bitch. There. Had to be said. Don’t get all “oh boo hoo, she’s only 13″ crap. Lots of people much younger than her have gotten in trouble for much less. By now I’m sure you’re well aware of her crimes. I will say this though; every now and then, something comes along that unites the internet. For this I give her credit. Probably not for the reasons she’d prefer but take what you can get. The song has been covered hundreds of times already. Surprising, considering it just came out recently. Kind of reminds you of some other song that’s been covered millions of times with the word “Day” in it. That’s right McCartney, everyone’s laughing at you too.

I think in her mind, she performed a light hearted pop song and expected to turn into Britney Spears. She got her wish, but ended up as the bald crazy version that everyone laughed at. Why is she a bitch, you ask? Something about this video just screams good wholesome fun. It alludes to partying but never really specifies. Yoohoo on the swingset? Don’t mind if I do! But R.B is far above this. At 1:23 she informs us “I got this, you got this, my friend is on my right”. Which is a very sweet sentiment….or is it. Note that SHE IS SITTING IN BETWEEN TWO GIRLS. WHAT IS HER RELATIONSHIP TO THE GIRL ON THE LEFT?! The song makes such a big deal about not knowing which seat to take, yet she somehow makes the wrong choice. The song should about consequences and repercussions. You know what, NO. It’s not a sweet sentiment. None of it is! She’s just stating things that are happening.

Jesus, the word Friday is said 26 times in the song, in the off chance that you forgot the title. Something about this is so Beiber like. I researched the production company and video makers. They have a large amount of videos like this featuring songs written by grown men for kids to sing. That itself is a whole ‘nother topic. It’s clear this production company is jumping on a trend of getting moderately attractive (I didn’t like typing that) children singing songs that don’t matter but with topics we all can relate to. Seat choices. Cereal. Not knowing what day of the week is next. This isn’t a dig against pop music. People who know me know about my love of a catchy melody, but this just takes it too far. It’s completely devoid of any emotion whatsoever. This is coming from a guy who paid $1.39 for an LFO song in iTunes that WASN’T “Summer Girls”. That alone earns me the right to knock R.B, as the thuggish lothario refers to her as, down a few rungs. Really. A rap break. How many years has it been since a song needed an urban breakdown. Soul Decision’s “Faded” is the last song that comes to mind. Well hell, if it’s good enough for SOUL DECISION…(Seriously, that’s how I live my life. Every opportunity I get, I have to ask myself if Soul Decision would do it or not. I’ve passed up some great things).

Like I mentioned earlier, she united the internet with a wave of mediocrity. There’s nothing about this that stands out. It’s kind of like when you’re in high school, and everyone sees the principal walk into a glass door. Now the football players are laughing with the math kids and the drama kids are whooping it up with the stoners. That’s pretty much what she did for the internet. How does that Windex taste, Rebecca?

In case you missed it here’s Bill Hader impersonating Charlie Sheen on Saturday Night Live last night.  Hader’s impression is dead on and thing was hilarious. WINNINGGGGG

 

It’s Friday, so what a better way to start off a weekend then me making fun of some more people.  Apparently, the readers of this blog (Hi Mom!) enjoy when I make fun of people.  Actually, I don’t even have to make fun of people, when I start ranting about things the viewership on the blog goes way up so let’s bring on the rants.  There a lot of things people say or do that piss me the fuck off so I thought I’d share some random ones with you off the top of my head.

 

-  Every couple of years a new saying comes along that catches on and everyone starts repeating.  One of the ones I can’t fucking stand is when people instead of saying something is “funny” they instead say, “that’s jokes.”  Another example: “Yeah that Josh guy is really jokes.”  Maybe I HAVE JOKES, but I am not MADE of jokes.  I’m funny, THINGS are FUNNY, things aren’t JOKES.  Stop fucking saying this.

- Over use of “your mom” jokes.  When I was in grade school making fun of people’s moms was funny.  Then when I got a bit older the first time I heard someone say “I fucked your mom” to someone else I laughed.  By this point these jokes are so overused that they aren’t funny and are annoying as shit.  You’ll know when a guy has absolutely no sense of humor when you’re insulting him and he breaks out the “your mom jokes.”  Get some new fucking material dude.

- People who wear Crocs.  Crocs are fucking ugly. Period.  No debate.  Ok, I can maybe understand you want to wear shoes in the pool, I can accept that but some people wear them all THE FUCKING TIME.  These “shoes” are neon colors and have fucking holes in them, don’t wear them in public you loser.

-  Saying “Bro” too much.  Once and awhile I don’t mind the use of the word “bro” it’s been around since the dawn of time.  But some guys when they are drunk are like a “bro” machine gun.  Bro Bro Bro Brobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobro.  I hate it, especially when someone you don’t know tries to get your attention by saying it or is drunk and starting a fight and is spouting “bro”‘s like nobody’s business.  You can get my attention without yelling bro in my face…Bro.

- People who put their whole fucking day on Facebook.  A lot of people hate Facebook.  I know some people who even refuse to sign up for it because they don’t want other people to be in their business 24/7 and I can respect that.  I think Facebook is good to connect with your friends and see what everyone is up too or (some) people’s thoughts on random shit going on in our lives.  What I can’t fucking stand however is people who put their whole fucking agenda on Facebook.  There are at least two types of these people and I currently have both types of them as my Facebook contacts.  Type 1:  They put every single thing they are going to do in their upcoming day in a list in their status.  example: Ok so im gonna wake up and get in the shower then im going to brush my teeth and go to the mall and blahblahblahfuckingblahetc.

Type 2:  Instead of writing their whole day in one post they update you the SECOND something happens in their lives.

example: 8:15am- just got coffee

8:20am: Ate a doughnut

9am: At The Gym

9:15am: on the treadmill

JOSH HATES THIS…..FUCK!!!

 

-  When people bandwagon jump or when people who don’t even like sports start liking a sport because it’s popular at a certain point in time.  For those of you who don’t really know sports a “bandwagon jumper” is someone who likes a team and then when they start doing bad that person just picks a new, MUCH BETTER team.  When I was growing up I learned that you pick a team and you stick with them through thick and thin.  If the team is doing shitty you like that team and then one day if they become good you will be rewarded for your suffering, kind of like going to church.  Since I have these ethics instilled in me it pisses me off that people do this.  I have a friend that every year during the hockey playoffs he picks a different team to cheer for because he “thinks they’re going to win” and then he adds, “but I’ve liked them a long time.”  This same person I saw in 2004 wearing a red sox hat during the MLB playoffs where the red sox would eventually go on to win their first world series since 1918.  The part about this that pisses me off is that a year earlier I asked him to go to a baseball game and he said, “I don’t fucking watch baseball man.”  UGHHH.  Also their are thousands of fucking people that don’t watch sports but if the world Cup is on they suddenly like soccer (and display annoying fucking flags out their car windows, no one cares if you’re Portuguese) or if everyone is cheering for a team they do it too because it’s popular at the time….fuck those people.

-  Okay last one for now because I’m going to have a stroke.  Hot Girls.  Whatttt you say, “Josh you hate hot girls?!?!”  No you fucking moron I don’t hate hot girls but I hate girls that think they’re so hot that they are entitled to something or that they are better than other people.  You’re genes were randomly thrown together and you turned out to be good looking it doesn’t mean you get a fucking prize or you deserve special treatment.  The sad/funny thing that these people don’t realize is that there is around 8 billion people in the world if you take out all the Asians and Indians (from India) and crackheads and ugly people that means there are millions of good looking people on the fucking planet.  You are not alone, sure you look good but so do millions of other people, congratulations whore.  They only thing I hate worse than those type of people are the people who pander to them and actually AGREE that they do deserve special treatment… Actually, I’m pretty sure this was the basis that Hollywood was formed on.

Okay, that’s it for me.  I vented and I hope you enjoyed our little therapy session.  Got anything to get off your chest just leave me a  comment below and tell me what you hate.

About a month ago former WWE writer John Piermarini started a blog, claimed he quit WWE, and is trying to get people to believe his bullshit.  Amidst his boring TNA and WWE recaps on his site (which im not going to link to because I don’t want him getting any more attention than he already has) he often writes bullshit and lies which he portrays to his readers to be true.  I decided to write this article because I feel that many casual wrestling fans that go to his blog are being lied to and I was told by Mr. Piermarini that I didn’t know what I was talking about and I felt I should respond.  Unlike John, I have actual evidence to back up what I have to say here.  The internet is a funny place where you can just say a bunch of bullshit and none of it has to be proven and people take it at face value.  I am here to set the record straight and stick up for casual wrestling fans who have be misled.

I’m going to ignore John’s inability to book any sort of wrestling segment competently and instead focus on something he said when reviewing last weeks WWE RAW. John claimed that after The Undertaker/HHH staredown that he could finally reveal to the rest of the world that this had been the plan in WWE all along since last August.  First of all, that claim is laughable because WWE and Vince McMahon change their minds about everything and some creative directions don’t last days let alone months.  The facts here are that the plans as of October 2010 were that Undertaker either face Brock Lesnar or Wade Barrett at Wrestlemania 27 in Atlanta.  Shortly after UFC 121 on October 24th, 2010 The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar had a brief staredown while Undertaker was being interviewed by MMA journalist Ariel Helwani.  John claims in his response to be in his blog that this was a shoot (in wrestling a shoot is something that isn’t meant to happen or that is real, where as a work is something that sis a scripted or pre-planned event) and that no one knew of it ahead of time and it stemmed from real life heat that Undertaker had back in the day.  The facts are that Vince McMahon told Undertaker to do this spot with Brock because he had been in talks with Brock (and later UFC president Dana White) about Brock appearing at WM as either undertaker’s opponent or as a special referee.

 

Here’s what John said directly to me when I brought this up on his blog:

 

Disgruntled fromer writer: Hey dick, I quit. I didn’t get fired. What is the obvious work I didn’t catch? Please enlighten me. Undertaker and Brock? Aw, I guess you would know, you were there right? I guess you know the background between Taker and Brock huh? Let me ask you something numb nuts, when was the last time WWE arranged a worked shoot and NEVER used the footage, mentioned the incident or followed up on it? Where is Brock Lesanr idiot? NO WHERE NEAR WWE. Thanks for coming, and thanks for looking stupid without me having to do so. Second, who the hell are you? I guess you should write your own blog since you apparently know more about the world of WWE than I do. Undertaker vs. Barrett was never a WM consideration ass clown, but I guess you would know better than me right? If you want my 15 seconds (the phrase is actually 15 minutes) of fame to go away start the process and kick rocks and don’t read my blog.

 

Were you present for this Vince call to Brock? See what you don’t know about Vince is he does NOTHING without crossing every T and dotting every i. But believe what you want buddy, ok this was a work. Well let me know when WWE plans on executing this brilliant game plan. Want to know why WWE used Brock during KOTR? Because they own it! Wow earth shattering news isn’t it? Believe what you want about Undertaker vs. Wade as a WM consideration, unfortunately it wasn’t sorry. Triple H vs. Undertaker was always the plan and the reason Nexus buried Undertaker… well I could prove you wrong with FACTS but doing that would force me to reveal certain things I am not allowed to reveal and frankly you ain’t worth it. But please continue to believe what you want and continue to come to my blog adding to my 15 minutes and leaving me comments.

 

He seems pretty mad, poor guy.  Unfortunately I have some facts, the following are quotes from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter written by Dave Meltzer who has over 30 years covering wrestling all over the world.  He is a respect wrestling and MMA journalist and has connections in WWE, TNA, and UFC (and I assure you is smarter and more informed than mr.dick head former writer.)

 

From the Nov 1st 2010 Observer:

 

A lot of people thought the confrontation was legitimate based on past heat between the two. Stories abounded about there being heat over a girl from years back, heat over the night Undertaker refused to put Lesnar over in a PPV main event (which ended up leading to a bigger match where Undertaker did put him over), or heat over the way Lesnar left the company with the idea Undertaker was mad because Lesnar didn’t return the favor and put him over. While Undertaker and Lesnar may not have been social friends, there was mutual respect. Undertaker is actually a Lesnar fan and one of the biggest UFC fans among the WWE performers. The idea was to test the waters. Nothing was said on WWE television, because Undertaker was being buried alive at the PPV and teased not to return, so it made no sense. Plus, there is no deal. It only makes sense that Lesnar would be interested in doing something if he can get that kind of money.

However, the issue is White has made it clear that he will not allow anyone under contract to do pro wrestling. White told tmz.com that they have Lesnar under an exclusive contract that doesn’t allow him to do boxing or pro wrestling without his permission.

WWE creative didn’t even know what was or wasn’t real the next day, but apparently were clued in and told to come up with ideas, based on Lesnar being a guest referee for Undertaker’s Mania match, this week talked about being against either Kane, or more likely, Wade Barrett. The idea would be to tease a confrontation between the two, similar to the Steve Austin/Mike Tyson angle in 1998. The idea of Lesnar vs. Undertaker in a singles main event, while obviously the dream main event scenario for Mania, had issues over the finish. When the idea was cooked up, Lesnar was UFC champion and wasn’t going to lose at Mania, and they didn’t want Undertaker losing.

 

From the Feb. 28th Observer:

 

The Undertaker vs. HHH main event for Mania was made official this past week with an in-ring long staredown in Fresno, where both men made their returns to television.

The back story on this, since Undertaker was originally going to face Wade Barrett and Sheamus had been groomed for HHH, was that the two got together, realized that Mania as it was originally laid out had no special Mania match. They felt involving Michaels in a storyline with HHH made far more sense than with anyone else, and as the company’s two most powerful political forces, felt they could take control of their own angle without much in the way of outside influence.

The fact it was the right call, in the sense the show is stronger with this match than the original plans speaks volumes about storylines getting over. Sheamus spent months bragging about ending HHH’s career and the original King of the Ring win was meant to set up King of the Ring vs. King of Kings. But instead, it meant nothing and on his return, none of this was brought up. Nexus took out Undertaker in the Buried Alive match and there was supposed to be a storyline explaining why this happened to build to Taker vs. Barrett. Instead, we had Undertaker buried alive by a consortium that included Kane (who beat him over and over again before he left), Paul Bearer (who they got rid of for no reason in one of the year’s worst angles even before Undertaker returned) and an unexplained Nexus attack, all of which end up being forgotten when he returned.

 

 

If Taker/HHH was the plan all along like John claims then why was Sheamus built up and bragging about taking out HHH for months and then made to win the King of the Ring?  Why did Nexus help Kane bury the Undertaker and Barrett shipped to Smackdown just for it all to be forgotten?

 

There are two possible reasons for Mr.Piermarini’s statements:

1) He knows nothing about wrestling, can’t tell the difference when something is OBVIOUSLY staged and had no idea what was going on inside the company he was working/writing for.

2) He’s lying to casual wrestling fans trying to get attention to feed his personal ego

 

If you want REAL informative wrestling news go to: http://www.wrestlingobserver.com or read the wrestling updates I post on my site, don’t feed this jackasses ego.

 

HOW I’D BOOK IT: You come here, read this article and figure out this dude is a lying (or moronic) piece of shit then you never go to his site again and he goes away.