Review: TNA Wrestling March 8th, 2010

Posted: March 8, 2010 in Reviews
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Tonight was supposed to be the beginning of the “New Monday Night Wars” , the first night that TNA Wrestling would go head to head with WWE’s Monday Night Raw and try to gain popularity with wrestling fans in North America and all over the world.  I’ve been a huge wrestling fan since I was 4 years old, so to mark this occasion I decided to watch TNA for the first time in a long time and record the thoughts as I watched.  Luckily for you guys and for me I only caught half of the show.  Here we go…

Its 9:51 I turn on impact and what do I see Velvet Sky and her hot ass friends… good sign.

9:53- Replay of Sting beating up Hogan/Abyss.  So apparently I missed “The Main Event” because they had the match at the beginning of the show.

9:55- Sting is coming out to fight a mystery opponent. (boy he looks old, even with face paint on)

9:57: ITS RVDDD!!!

9:57:30- RVD squashed Sting in 30 seconds with a jumping sidekick and a rolling thunder in which sting was totally out of place.  Sting then beat the shit out of RVD with a bat, I guess Sting isnt a fan of the chronic.

9:59- According to the crowd “Sting Sucks.”

10:01- A blooded Hogan limps (not selling) to the ring as Sting KEEPS beating up RVD.  Security is keeping Hogan from the ring, so are they are building to a match that was hot in 1998?

10:04- Mike Tenay (who looks as old as Hogan) and Taz talk at the desk and then Kevin Nash and Eric Young come down to the ring.  Apparently they’re fighting Scott Hall & X-Pac… So this IS 1998.

10:06- Nash looks 8 million years old.  He looks like Oz without the costume.  Theyre going to commercial so I can only assume Kevin Nash is tired already.

10:09-  Commercial for Hot Tub Time Machine which is 400% more interesting then this wrestling show so far.

10:11-  “Hall is racist” chant, I bet they regret going live now.

10:12- Hall & X-Pac comes to the ring.  Man Hall is in rough shape and this is apparently after hes “gotten into shape.”  Hall is trying to act cool and its not working, go figure.  Hall wants Nash to show him the money apparently.

10:14- Apparently they’re having a match at the pay-per-view for “Fat Contracts.”

10:16- X-pac smacks Eric Young and security is all over them, apparently im watching Jerry Springer.

10:17 Eric Bicshoff tells Young to “beat pac’s bitch ass” so now they’re having a match.

10:18- After a hot brawl Young beats Pac in a minute with a piledriver.  God I hate impact.

10:23- Army guys are coming to the ring and Mike Tenay says, “The US Army is invading The Impact Zone!!”  why does the impact zone has massive oil reserves.

10:25-  Kurt Angle is out here and he loves the troops, what a swell guy.

10:27- Ken Kennedy (Ken Anderson) is talking, he hates the troops, hes the bad guy. (are we following?)

10:28- Mr. Anderson is wearing the exact same Captain america shirt I own, and I bought it at Universal, how bout that?

10:29- Troops beat up Anderson and Angle gives him The Angle Slam and stands on him waving the flag.  So is the feud over cause Kurt and his friends just beat the shit out of him very decisively here.

10:31:  Commercial.  Im wondering why Mr.Anderson was wearing a Cap shirt if he hates the troops in the storyline.  You know its the little details that count here and these promotion sucks at them.

10:34:  I come back from the bathroom and Hogan is talking with Bubba The Love Sponge and Referee Earl Hepner.  So I’ve been watching this show for 45 minutes and ive seen a minute and 30 seconds of wrestling, amazing.  If I wasnt PVR’ing Raw id be watching it now.

10:35- Apparently Hogan is afraid if he wrestles hes going to die, I’d be scared to if I looked as old and broken as him.

10:37-  Jeff Jarrett is on TV and now HES talking, I dont care at this point.  On a side note I can never forget how to spell Jeff Jarrett’s name due to his old J-E-Double F J-A-Double R-E-Double T WWF gimmick.

10:40- Different Hot Tub Time Machine commercial.  At this point it looks 600% better than this show.

10:41- Yay wrestling.  Its the greatest named team of all-time BEER MONEY vs Jeff Jarrett in a handicapped match.  Wait I thought BEER MONEY were good guys, im totally lost again.

10:43- A spinning Razor’s Edge on Jarrett that looks awesome, hes gotta be fucked now.

10:44- Jarrett is already up and kicking both guys asses.  Look everyone its Stone Cold Jeff Jarrett!!

10:45- Mick Foley (who apparently was a special ref) handed Jarrett a barb wire bat.  Another ref pulls it away and the distraction allows BEER MONEY to win.  (yes is was as confusing as it sounds here.)

10:46-  I never typed Jeff Jarrett so much in my life.

10:47- Brooke Hogan is backstage and crying.  Apparently her Dad never told her it was fake, maybe she still thinks Santa Claus is real?

10:48-  Brooke is a horrid actress and I dont really like the look of her face but that doesnt mean I wouldnt bang her.

10:49- Burger King commercial just aired that I enjoyed way more than this wrestling show.

10:52-  Apparently Ric Flair and AJ Styles are coming out for the “real” Main Event to fight Hogan and Abyss again.  AJ Styles is going a gimmick where he acts/dresses exactly like Flair.

10:53- I cant believe Hogan and Ric Flair two men in their late 50’s are main eventing a major wrestling show in 2010.

10:54- More Commercials.  This show is poorly planned at the least.

10:58- Ok here we go. The bell rings and Hogan & Flair are…. moving at a snails pace.  Hogan slams Flair into the barricade and Flair is already bleeding.

10:59- Hogan bites Flair’s head, I hope they both got their rabies shots.  Hogan knocks flair down with a poke in the eye, I dunno what this is but the crowd loves it.

11:01 Hogan takes off his belt and continues to beat the shit out of Flair.  Flair hit a low blow and the TNA Champ AJ Styles, ran in.

11:02: Styles taking it to Hogan.  I’m afraid one of the old guys is going to die on live TV.

11:03- Flair going to the top to try the move he hasnt hit in 25 years.  Hogan hot tags Abyss and Flair tags in AJ.  Abyss is beating the shit out of both of them, including giving a chokeslam to Flair that looked like it murdered him.  Flair looks like an extra in a horror movie at this point.

11:05- Hogan and Abyss both “Hulking Up” and the good guys win.  Thank god this shit is over.

11:07-  Bad guys start beating up good guys and then JEFF HARDY comes out.  He beats everyone up and then Spike cuts off the show before he hits his big move off the top.  So the company and the TV Station both cant do anything right.

11:08- Im going to have a stiff drink.

Overall, this show was a huge disappointment besides the one minute I saw Rob Van Dam and the 30 seconds I saw Jeff Hardy.  The future doesnt look good for TNA here.

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