It’s All In A Song…

Posted: March 22, 2010 in Hilarious Stories, Ramblings/Rants
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This post marks a milestone here on The MANCAST Blog: The debut post from Alex himself.  Alex, my partner in crime and co-host on the best podcast known to man, wrote this a little while ago after a glorious trip we took to the strip club.  While we were there we were perplexed by the choice of music by some of the dancers and that lead to Alex writing this masterpiece.  Here it is in all its glory, oh and dont forget the digg button at the bottom 😉

So the other night I went out to celebrate my birthday, and as is the end of result of most of my birthdays, we went to a strip club. I would like to point out that hitting the rippers was not originally my idea, but nobody was pulling teeth to get me there.

There’s something absolutely timeless about a night at a strip club. No matter what club you go to, you essentially see the same thing, but one thing always holds my attention no matter how many times I will ever visit one: the stripper’s musical selection.

For those of you unfamiliar with strip clubs, I’ll try to keep this brief: each dancer has a three song “set” in which to trounce around on stage, enticing the audience to pay for private dances. The first song is performed fully clothed (or at least as clothed as the dancers get). The second song is where normally the top is removed, and the third song the bottoms come off, and it completes the “strip”. I have on rare occasion seen the bottoms come off first, and for any future strippers, I don’t advise you to be one of these innovators. The “top first” set is a classic, and it allows the story to flow properly. Would you show a Star Wars virgin The Empire Strikes Back before A New Hope?

Back to the music itself, a dancer’s selection is key to their whole operation. They need to select songs that can best show off their moves, whether it be pole work, booty smacking, etc. In my experience, I have found there to be three distinct genres of stripper music, each very telling of the personality of the dancer: Techno, Rap/R&B, and Rock.

There is not much crossover in the three genres; you won’t often hear “Girls, Girls, Girls” by Motley Crue immediately after “Back that Thang Up” by Juvenile, although the idea of using different genres to play to different demographics is something that budding dancers should definitely consider to maximize their profit.

The Techno Stripper is a novice to mid-level stripper at best. While they are usually beautiful girls, they are more often than not atrocious dancers. You would think with a constant throbbing beat, they would be able to make a good show of it. Unfortunately, the stripper and techno music share disappointing qualities. Because of the lack of lyrics, a story doesn’t usually form over the course of a techno song, and story telling is at the very base of what a stripper is trying to convey. Also, the computer generated nature of techno music gives it a lifeless quality, and in most cases, the Techno Stripper has absolutely no personality. She is just going through the motions on stage, believing that her looks alone and just a small taste of what is to come will be enough. Maybe that is for some, but most men do care about personality, even in nude dancers.

The Rap/R&B Stripper is different than the Techno Stripper in that they play to the crowd excellently. Whether writhing on the floor to a Ginuwine ballad, or popping and/or locking to Young Buck, the intensity of the singer is reflected in the performance of the dancer. The problem that arises with the Rap/R&B Stripper is in specific song selection. Many rap songs have the root of their lyrics in strip clubs (The most obvious example being T-Pain’s “I’m in love with a stripper”) so some dancers naturally gravitate towards using these songs. While it seems “appropriate”, for lack of a better term, it cheapens the whole song process. I like to think that dancers think about their song selection as much as I do, and it saddens me to no end that some of them don’t, and pull out the easy picks. Try pulling out some familiar that isn’t currently on Top 40 radio. You could easily select 3 songs that are anywhere from 1999 all the way to 2004 that will get people going “Oh yeah, that song! This was my jam in 7th grade!” Everybody loves a throwback, so should you Rap/R&B Stripper.

The Rock Stripper is the final stripper on the list, and like the Rap/R&B singer, she plays excellently to the crowd. Unlike the Rap/R&B Stripper, her song selection is not hindered by popularity. “Classic” rock stripper songs (“Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard, “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, “Get Naked” by Methods of Mayhem, etc.) can’t be played enough. The crowd loves them, the Rock Stripper gets to show off her great pole skills, and everyone is happy. But if you think that being a Rock Stripper means a fail safe for selecting great songs, think again. The folly of the Rock Stripper, opposite of the Rap/R&B Stripper, is when they DON’T pick the obvious songs. While it’s important that every dancer picks songs they like, choosing “How You Remind Me” by Nickelback or “Take a Look Around”, Limp Bizkit’s interpretation of the Mission Impossible Theme, will be met with throngs of laughter from the crowd. Don’t rock the boat, Rock Stripper; stick with popular songs, and you will be safe from the ridicule of the men who are paying to see you naked.

The song selection of a strip club dancer may be even more important than the outfit she wears or what perfume she uses. Music is the easiest thing to subjectively judge someone you don’t know, and strip club patrons are no different. Make one wrong choice, and a dancer could alienate the whole audience. But there’s one last thing to consider: there could be one lone person in that sea of hungry eyes who thinks ZZ Top is the greatest achievement in music. The moment that opening guitar riff hits his ears, he might as well just hand over his MasterCard, because he just fell in love. Ladies go crazy for a Sharp Dressed Man, and sometimes guys do too.

– Alex

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Comments
  1. Rap Songs are the best! specially those Gansta Rap stuffs, they really rock `

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