J-Woww: Hot Or Not?

Posted: February 10, 2011 in celebs, Hot or Not?, Ramblings/Rants
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It’s that time again boys and girls, the long awaited return of Hot Or Not? These by far have been my most popular blog posts and the Snooki Hot or Not article I did (here) has been looked at most then anything on this fucking site.  Side note: What the fuck is wrong with people?  Anyway, keeping with that tradition and seeing as how Thursdays are Jersey Shore days I submit for your approval: J-Woww: Hot Or Not? Lets get it on…

J-Woww Hot...

J-Woww is an interesting subject here.  Let’s not beat around the bush here and just come out and say it, the first thing you notice on this broad is her massive perfect tits…..and…uh…and….what…. oh sorry I got caught in their gaze, her chest is like a fucking Madusa’s head.  Her tits are obviously massive and perfect because they’re fake (points off if thats not your thing) but I don’t see that as a reason to penalize her here.  Her body is awesome but her skin looks pretty fucking horrible when it’s not airbrushed to shit.  If I could take airbrushed Jenni home I would in a heartbeat.  I’ve jerked off to the above picture 4 times alone while writing this article but seeing as how I am all about journalistic integrity let’s dig a little deeper shall we?

J-Woww not...

First thing I hate…THE FUCKING DRAGON TATTOO.  This thing has got to go.  She’s like one of those douchebags that wants flames or tribal tattoos all over their body, it’s not cool and it makes you look fucking stupid.  It looks like a fucking 12 year old doodled this on her for an art project… Classy.    On closer inspection she looks kind of shitty without makeup on, not Fergie esque or anything but not the greatest.  Makeup is one for the greatest illusions in the last 50 years or so.  Sometimes seeing a really hot chick without makeup is like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real or watching Optimus Prime die in the 1986 animated Transformers film and realizing he’s not coming back….just so disappointing.  My main concern is her fucking attitude.  This bitch swears like a fucking sailor, beats the shit out of girls and dudes alike, and fucking acts like an alpha male in any relationship shes in.  As soon as there is any signs of confrontation with people she responds with either a “fuck you” or a punch to the face.  Sometimes I like fiesty women but I don’t want a chick to have bigger fucking balls than I do.  Sometimes when I watch her on TV her attitude is so annoying that I want to mute the television but then Snooki shows up and I’d give anything for JWoww’s shrill voice over anything Snooki is doing.  Ultimately this case comes down to the eternal question of: If this chick asks you to fuck would you say yes?  And Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot tell I lie… I would fuck J-Woww faster than you could say STD.  Finally one in the “Hot” column here at the blog.  What do you guys think, did I make the right decision?  Comment, E-Mail, or Tweet me your replies and let’s see if I made the right choice here.

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Comments
  1. Kate Andrews says:

    she’s not ugly without makeup but all that tanning has given her wrinkles in her forehead; Sam has them too. so on that front you’re right; airbrushed Jen and natural jen are too different jens.

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