Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category

If you grew up in the 80’s like me then you pretty much know what The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are (and if you don’t then kindly leave and never come back please.)  I loved anything Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid.  I had all the toys, I watched all the episodes on TV, I owned the movies, I even still have their damn green faces on hockey pucks on my shelf for shell’s sake.  So you’ll imagine my surprise (I came in my pants) when I found out that there was a TV movie released last year featuring not only the current version of the Ninja Turtles but also their 1980’s counterparts.  Without getting into any heavy spoilers, if you are a TMNT fan this movie is a MUST WATCH.  Many people don’t know that before the 1980’s cartoon the comic book versions of the Turtles were gritty, killing machines, who acted like real ninjas.  The comic was done in black and white and their was lots of blood and the turtles were taken as serious.  This makes the movie even funnier as the “new” turtles can’t help but make fun of their 1980’s counterparts and things like “Their initials on their belts.”

I haven’t watched much of the new turtles series but this made me want to start as they seem like they are closer to reality then the 1980’s version (as realistic as you can get when you’re talking about a story about ninja turtles.)  If you’re a fan of the 1980’s series everything you could possibly want is here:  1980’s shredder returns complete with bebop, rocksteady, and krang, you get to see the old turtle mobile and turtle blimp, and you get to see 1980’s Splinter and April (a great joke about her in a yellow jump suit is made.)

I was skeptical going in to watching this movie but all in all, bottom line, I thought it was awesome.  The comic book turtles also make a brief appearance and finally get to show the TV audience what they’ve been missing for 25 years.  The TMNT franchise has now been bought by nickelodeon so I don’t now what the future holds of the property but if you’re in need of your turtle fix I highly recommend this film.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go dust off some of my VHS tapes and maybe buy some old school Turtles comics… GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO!!!

I want to start this post off by saying that I’m a big fan of Criminal Minds and I had high hopes for it’s new spin-off show entitled, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. I’m not a huge fan of spin-off shows, especially since Law and Order seemingly had a spin-off from everything from SVU to Law and Order: Mall Cops but that’s an article for a different day.  I had high expectations for this show since its predecessor is so well done and was hoping the show wouldn’t disappoint.  Don’t get me wrong, the show is interesting and some of the storylines are well thought out and well put together but there is one thing (or person) that makes the show unbearable.  This man’s name is Forest Whitaker.

I’m guessing that having an Oscar winning actor for your show is some sort of good selling point  (and you need all the help you can get when the other main star on your show is Janeane Garofalo) but there is one fundamental problem with this theory: THE FUCKER CAN’T ACT.  Sure, he’s won an Oscar but this is also a man who co-starred in what is widely considered to be one of if not THE worst movie of all time, Battlefield Earth. I don’t know how one guy could, in the same lifetime, be an Oscar winner and be in one of the worse films in fucking history.  That is the sort of paradox that Doc Brown warned us would destroy the space time continuum.  I wouldn’t be surprised if all this gloom and doom and Super Moon bullshit was a direct result of the fact that this guy somehow was acknowledged at one point as a good actor.

I’m sure in some arty bullshit piece of shit movie his acting seems fine but this guy is a classic over-actor.  He has to make EVERY scene fucking way more dramatic than it’s supposed to be, he reminds me of a black William Shatner.  His acting at some point reaches laughable levels.  The way he talks, I actually at one point thought that the writes of the show took the character of Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle, made a back story that he somehow became un-disabled and joined the FBI and wrote him into the show…. HE’S THAT BAD.  It’s hard for me to take anything seriously when this guy is on the screen and that’s a huge problem when he’s the main character on the fucking show, the guy we are supposed to be rooting for.  I’m no fucking Tom Hanks myself but I always thought the point of acting was to make people believe that you are the actual character you are portraying.  I don’t for one second believe this guy is a fucking cop.  To me, he seems like a guy trying too hard and it comes off really poorly and unless cops break out into dramatic soliloquies in the middle of no where 256 times a day for no fucking reason that this guy isn’t playing a cop.    Someone should send a memo to Forest and tell him that this is a crime drama and not a production of Hamlet being performed in front of The Queen of England.  He better figure it out fast before this show turns into:  Criminal Minds: Canceled Piece of Dog Shit.

In case you missed it here’s Bill Hader impersonating Charlie Sheen on Saturday Night Live last night.  Hader’s impression is dead on and thing was hilarious. WINNINGGGGG

 

Well nerds everywhere were either jizzing themselves to death or complaining to their moms about the official trailer for X-Men: First Class that was released yesterday (see above.)  The movie stars James McAvoy as a young Professor X and Michael Fassbender as a young Magneto and takes place during the cold war.  At the time the two were partners at Xavier’s school for the gifted and this tells the story of their relationship and eventual split and the origin stories of some mutants, including Beast.

McAvoy has been in some shit movies I dont care about and Michael Fassbender is best known as the British Secret Service Agent in Inglorious Basterds.  Fassbender should be awesome as Magneto and i’m interested to see how they build to him slowly turning on Xavier.  I’m kind of pissed because “The first class” in the comics consists of Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, Jean Grey & Professor X.  Now since only two of those have major (if any) role in this movie, I’m a little skeptical but im willing to give this one a shot.  It cant be as bad as X-Men 3 can it?

Get your pumping fists ready

You know the blog is in full swing when I start posting about the gang at Seaside Heights again. This episode was entitled, “Should We Just Break Up?” which without even knowing what the episode is about I can answer that with a YES!!! The episode opens up with a review of last week’s show which includes Sammi yelling as loud and annoyingly as she can, “Are You Friends with her?!” over and over at Ron and has no mention whatsoever of the side plot of Deena enjoying tossing dudes salads (which to me is the most intriguing storyline of this season so far.)

The start of the episode is promising as we see The Situation doing what he does best which is picking girls up at the club and taking them home to SMUSH. Ronnie gets so drunk that he refuses food and decides to try to sleep it off be of course Sammi being the loving girlfriend she is she tries to shove food into his mouth while hes openly refuses it. They tease ANOTHER fight but it is not to be and the scene ends with Ronnie puking his guts out.

The next day Ronnie wakes up to find that not only his he hung over but apparently his asshole is bleeding (maybe Situation got lonely?) So its off to the ass doctor we go to see what the fuck is wrong with Ron’s rectum…great. There were two great parts to this scene. First the doctor has his hand up his ass while Ronnie grimaces in pain and he says things like, “Is there pain now… how bout when I go deeper… how about around the rim…?” Sure there’s fucking pain your hand is up his ass!!!! If I wasn’t 97% sure MTV was run by retards id swear that this was a clever metaphor. The second best part of the scene is Ronnie commentating on his doctor’s visit by saying, “Doc you can at least buy me dinner…” then giggling for awhile before staring in awkward silence into the camera for 10 seconds too long. Apparently Ron’s ass is bleeding because he drinks too much…likely story. Anyway, as Ron laughs about putting cream on his asshole we go to commercial.

As we come back we get a fucked up conversation between Snooki, Deena, and J-Woww concerning masterbation. The conversation isnt fucked up because of the topic but because I dont want to hear about Snooki fiddling with her Jabba The Hut looking pussy. They go to a drug store (probably to buy Valtrex) and Snooki of course acts like a fucking five year old. I swear to God shes the only girl that I ever wanted to punch in the face, go figure. Then we shift to an obligatory club scene and after Deena dry humps some dude on steroids right on the patio we get Snooki describing meeting a guy at the club. She describes him as a “typical Seaside Guido” and then added, “thats what I go for obviously.” For some reason this pissed me off. This is why I HATE girls like her because they go for guys that are exactly the same as everyone else and then they wonder why the fuck they’re not happy. Oh well, she probably shouldnt reproduce anyway. Speaking of… The crew ends up back at the house and we get a shot of Snooki leading her man by the hand into her room, talk about dead man walking. Just a side note, I don’t care if anyone says differently but Snooki has a GUT. She was walking inside with a dress thats obviously too tight for her and she looked like the fucking Michelin Man. For some reason this guy wants to fuck her so either hes a) really REALLY drunk b) really stupid c) or he wants to be on MTV fucking Snooki. Snooki then realizes she has had her period and sadly they can’t fuck, dude thats probably a blessing in disguise. Elsewhere, Deena explains to the viewers that you need a “Golden Ticket to get into her draws” when referring to herself. Yeah I dont believe that for a seco- oh wait she fucked him anyway and justified it by saying “oh well, it is what it is. ” Dear God I hope I don’t have daughters.

The next day Snooki and her boyfriend hang out and seem to be having a great time (or at least as good as I time that you can have with a chud like that) and then he dropped a bombshell on her…… He was sort of/but not really/ kind of engaged/but isnt anymore…uhhh ok. Snooki freaks out and doesn’t want to see him ever again which is kind of harsh but yet again this dude lucks out, I swear this guy has someone looking out for him. This leads to pretty much the best scene in the show where he tries to call her at the house multiple times and Pauly picks up and acts like an answering machine and the dude is stupid enough to buy it and starts pressing buttons and LEAVING A MESSAGE!!! This is the shit I love about the show.

Then blah blah blah the girls go to a sex shop blah blah blah the dudes cook, Sammi and Ron fight (surprise) blah blah they show them at work, then Sammi and Ronnie are fighting AGAIN which causes Vinnie to say, “Hell must be just like this.” I’d have to agree my man. So for the last 5-6 minutes of the show instead of getting to see more hilarious hijinx between Pauly and Vinnie we get MORE FUCKING FIGHTING….. Sam says for pretty much the 1056th time in the last two seasons “im done.” Then we see clips of next week that includes Sammi dancing up on some guy while Ronnie creepily observes from the shadows and then Ron going nuts throwing all her shit around and Sammi (seemingly) leaving the house.

Ok… (takes a deep breath) I just gotta say this. I really REALLY hope this is the end of the Sammi/Ron shit. I used to think Sammi was good looking and now she just comes off as annoying cunt. They both remind you of that ridiculous couple we all now that just WON’T break up and we hate their guts. The problem is, if I dont want to be near those people in real life, why the FUCK would I want to see it on TV. I understand some of the girls who watch this show might relate to their relationship or MTV might think its a big selling point, I get it. But although it might have been intriguing television for some fans early on this thing ran its course a fucking season ago. When I watch Jersey Shore I want to laugh at MVP doing funny shit and using ridiculous methods to try to fuck girls and fist pumping. Hell, I even dont mind Snooki doing stupid shit like getting wrecked in public and getting arrested because I watch this show to laugh at them and how ridiculous it is that they’re allowed to act this way. I dont want to see another Sam/Ron fight, its not funny, its not fun, and it makes me hate the whole episode by default. I hope they get back to more MVP shit soon and less of these two annoying cunts.

Tonight I had some buddies over to watch of  UFC 114 which featured The Main Event of Rashad Evans vs Quinton “Rampage” Jackson .  This was a pretty big PPV so I thought id write my thoughts live as it happened and share it with the entire internet, enjoy.

UFC 114: Evans vs Jackson

and here we goooo

PPV opener is Diego “Nightmare” Sanchez vs John “Hitman” Hathaway straight from England.  I dont like the chances of a dude with the same last name as the girl from the Princess Diaries.

– First minute diego has him against the fence for a take down getting absolutely no where.
– They stand up and trade punches Hathaway is looking good.  Diego shoots for a takedown and Hathaway takes his face off with a knee.

– Hathaway on top and cant finish him off, Diego’s defense is fucking solid.

-Hathaway is dropping bombs with a minute left in round 1, I immediately take back the Anne Hathaway comment.

– Round 1 over, Hathaway is all over him like a Russian Hooker on Steven Segal.  Diego looks shaky, this cant be good.

– Round 2 mostly stand up to start with them both trading some good combos.  Diego tries to take him down and push him against the cage.  Hathway gets to his feet and has a look on his face like “what the fuck are you trying here?”

– Back to stand up for the last 2 minutes, Hathaway went for a takedown but Diego blocked it then Diego hit two sharp rights to end the round.  To me Diego won round 2 so the fight is about even on the score cards at the moment.

– In between rounds they show Junior Del Santos sitting next to a fucked up looking guy with shades and a green sweater, seriously this is what you wear to an event like this?

– Round 3 and the guys are trading jabs, Hathaway blocks a take down and then jabs Diego hard.

– Around 2 minutes left Diego goes for a takedown and Hathaway blocks it.  They trade for awhile and then Hathaway connects with a sweet combo including a nice high kick.  Hathaway connects with a couple more good shots and the round is over.

–  I got this fight 29-28 for Hathaway… lets go to the cards

– They gave it to Hathaway Unamious Decision

–  They show Rampage and Evans walking down the hallway, wrestling style.  Evans looks like Malcom X with a suit on and a pinstripe shirt underneathe.

– Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs Jason Brilz is next.  Brilz also has the nickname “Hitman” prompting my friend Sean to remark, “Why is everyone nicknamed Hitman?”

– Just standing there during the introductions Brilz looks like hes gonna get killed, yet again hes not even supposed to be here.

– We get our first mandatory Arianny shot before the fight.

– Here we go Round 1:  Nogueira hits a nice knee, Brilz is stand-offish for a bit and then takes him down.  Brilz goes from a guilotine to taking his back to side mount.  Brilz got up awkwardly and Nog grabbed him around the waist and for a minute there I thought id see an actual german suplex.

–  Round 1 over Id actually give it to Brilz.  Funny Moment where Nogueira started walking in the wrong corner.  And then we get another Arianny shot.

–  Nogueira had him in an amazing guilotine and then Brilz rolled over into one of his own.  Brilz squeezed the fuck out of him and Nog didnt tap, guy is a beast.

–  Sean: Why does Brilz have a tramp stamp?

– Nogueira gets out of a mount and they go back to standing.  Brillz lands a huge right hand, Nog blocks a single hand attempt and Brilz hits some more punches.  They exchange some punches with 20 seconds left and Nogueira looks glossy.

–  Round 2 over, if Mike Goldberg says little Nog one more time im gonna snap.

– Round 3 starts and Brilz looks focused, Goldberg said little Nog, im done Gus.

–  Nogueira sweeps brilz and is on top, Brilz defends and goes for a single leg and Nog defends.

–  Brilz goes for a single leg AGAIN and it gets blocked AGAin.  Brilz looks fucking tired, thats what four weeks of training gets you, absolutely no stamina.

– Brilz finally gets the single leg and then Nog gets on top.  Nogueira gets a CRUICIFIX and some how Brilz gets out.  Tons of countering going on and ends with Nogueira on top as the round ends.  If Nogueira had more stamina during that crucifix he would have won hands down.

– Round 3 went to Nog but I think the first two went to Brilz but we’ll see…  Nogueira wins by split decision and the crowd HATES it.  At least it gave Mike Goldberg an opportunity to say “Little Nog” one more time… fuck sakes.  Crowd chants “bullshit”, Joe Rogan brings this up in the post fight interview.  Nogueira thanks the fans and they thank him… with boos.

– They show girls in the crowd dancing with no bras on, this is worth the 59.99 on its own.

– Heavyweight match coming up: Mike Russow vs Todd Duffee.  Sean, “Enough of these no name heavyweight meatheads!”  He’s right both these guys look like create-a-characters for the UFC video game (available everywhere now!!)

– Round 1:  And the fatter one is down already!!! I guess the fat one is Russow and Duffee is hitting him with combos swinging for a knock out punch.  Russow looks like a human punching bag, I guess thats what you get when your fight diet is based around potato chips.

–  The only thing I have against Duffee right now is that he has the shortest fighting shorts I’ve ever seen.  Its a fight not a day on the beach “brah.”

–  Duffee clearly wants to knock this sad sack out.  Tried for a high kick and got blocked, Russow is bleeding from an unknown location, probably his ego.

– Round 2:  They stand around for a long time as we make fun of the one guy’s weight and the other guy’s shorts.  We just noticed Duffee has a tattoo of a fight on his back and we howled with laughter.

–  Russow shoots for a takedown and Duffee shrugs him off unimpressed.  Russow has done almost NO OFFENSE in this fight.  Crowd starts to boo, I feel their pain.  Duffee has slowed down, this fight is dying a slow and painful death.

– Horn sounds and almost NOTHING happened in the round.  Just as I typed that the cornerman says, “you’re doing a fine job” … Hes wrong.

– Round 3:  They are just standing there and the crowd keeps booing.  They keep shuffling and I feel like im watching a horrible Dancing With The Stars audition tape.  On a good note at least the fat one might lose some weight.

–  WOW… Literally out of no where Russow hit him with a quick punch and Duffee is out cold.  Definition of flash knockout.  Pretty much one of the five punches he hit in the fight and he floored the guy.  Joe rogan said, “That was the craziest thing Ive seen in 1000 fights!!!!”  Hilariously and yet true.

–  Joe interviewing Russow and his face looks FUCKED UP.  Its a classic, “you should see the other guy” story.

Melvin Guillard vs Waylan Lowe

–  Guillard moves fast, real fast.  Alot of standing around and feeling each other out.  Lowe goes for a single leg and literally lifts Guillard off his feet but cant take him down.  Guillard hitting him with a bunch of knees as Lowe has him against the cage.  Gulliard hits a low hit then ducks a punch and goes right behind him, hes that fast.  Lowe goes for a takedown, Guillard blocks it, hits a huge knee to the gut and thats it.  HUGE KNEE.

– Guillard informs us that this is in fact, his house.

– Guillard’s nickname is apparently “The Young Assassin”  So if you’re keeping score at home we have two hitman’s and an assassin.

Michael Bisping vs Dan Miller

–  The Vaseline guy got the Vaseline IN Bisping’s eye… Of to a great start here folks.

–  We have our first Steve Mazagatti sighting.  During the pre-fight instructions, Bisping did a light head butt to Miller’s face and shit is intense.

–  Miller kicks low and Bisping acts like he got kicked in the nuts, no chance.  Alot of tension here early.

–  All stand up in this round, both guys look good.  Miller poked in the guy so now I guess they’re even?  Bisping hit a couple good combos so I figure they’ll give the round to him.

–  They show David Spade in between rounds and he gets a decent pop from the crowd.  They show Mike Tyson and Snoop and they get a wayyy bigger reaction.  Snoop actually got a bigger reaction than Tyson.

– Round 2:  Bisping misses a right and Miller hits a niceee leg kick.  Bisping hits a nice combination and nods to Miller in a “lets go motherfucker” gesture.  Bisping hits a high kick followed by a punch and Miller hits a low kick.  Bisping blocks a takedown and hits a punch that Miller didnt even blink at.

–  Bisping connected with a combo and busted Miller open over the right eye.  Miller hit a combo at the end of the round but it was too late.  Bisping is dominating this fight, Miller is going to need a KO to win this one.

– Round 3: They trade shots for awhile and Miller finally gets a takedown.  Bisping gets out of it rather quick.  Miller looks gassed, he needs a flash KO here.  They throw so hammers to end the fight but Miller definately didnt do enough to win.  I call this one for Bisping for sure.

– And the Judges say…  All three for Bisping.  No surprise there.

– Sidenote:  Bisping talks like hes on fucking speed, all I heard in the post fight interview was “good fighter”, “Bisping”, and “Twitter.”

– Expendables Trailer… So pumped for this movie.

AND NOW THE MAINNNN EVENTTTTT:  Quinton “Rampage” “Mr.T” Jackson vs “Sugar” Rashad Evans.

– Video package before the fight was amazing, UFC is WWF circa 1997.

–  Evans is the octagon and is getting boos.  Lights go out for Rampage and its a mixed reaction.  Rampage is shown walking right from the back like hes GOLDBERG.

– Rampage looks like a tough motherfucker I wouldnt want to mess with him, Rogan is going on about shit possibly distracting Rampage tonight but he looks focused.

– Huge stare down before the fight, Jackson looks INTENSE, he’ll win for sure.

– Evans caught him with a shot right off the bat and Jackson was almost out.  Jackson looks shook up right now.  Evans took him down and then hit him right in the face hard.  Jackson looks lost.  Jackson sprawled a takedown at the end of the round and hit a nice combination.  He needs to carry that momentium into Round 2 cause he doesnt look good (and hes making me look bad.)

– Round 2:  Huge RAMPAGE Chant.  Evans has him up against the cage now and the crowd hates him for it.  Evans gets off and Rampage misses a huge right hand.  Rashad goes for a takedown thats block and pushes him up against the cage again.  Alot of standing around feeling each other out and Evans continuing to push him up against the cage.   Rampage went for THE KNEE but couldnt get it before the Round was over.

– Evans is all over him Rampage needs to do something big here.  Rampage looks tired and Evans is clearly alot faster than him.

– Round 3:  Rampage blocks a takedown and Rampage is all over him with a barriage of punches.  Rashade gets up but he looks fucking out of it, Jackson needs to take advantage if he wants to win.  Rampage could have finished him but he basically stood around for 20 plus seconds and let Rashad recover and then Rashad took him down twice and was ALL over him at the end of the fight.  Evans wins by decision for sure.

–  And the judges sayyyy… Rashad.  Crowd hates it but he deserved it, he was all over him.  I expected a closer fight but this is what you get sometimes.

Well that was UFC 114, I hope you enjoyed my commentary because I enjoyed writing it.

– Josh

[tweetmeme source=”bestpodcastever” only_single=false]

Last night, as is the tradition with me and my friends for the last probably 10 years, I went and watched Wrestlemania 26.  We usually have a big group of people (I think there were at least 12 there last night) and they range from people they still watch wrestling on a semi regular to regular basis, guys that still kinda know whats going on, and people that only watch Wrestlemania every year.  Its always interesting to see what everyone thinks of the show and certain characters and of course the jokes throughout the night are hilarious.

Im not going to do a full review but just some random things I thought about each match and how my friends and I reacted, enjoy:

– First thing I noticed, the set looked awesome.

– The first match was Big Show & Miz vs John Morrison & R-Truth for the tag team titles.  Immediately, when R-Truth came out someone asked, “is that K-Kwik?” wrestling fans have better memory than the bookers give them credit for.

– I love R-Truth’s “Whats Up?” song/gimmick.  After he came down the aisle he was known for the rest of the night as “The What’s Up Guy.”

– My friends all wondered why ShowMiz needed two sets of tag titles, good question.

– Match went 3 minutes.  Horrible way to open the show, made no sense.

– Cody Rhodes vs Ted Debaise Jr vs Randy Orton… Friends hated this.  They probably would have hated it more if they saw the horrible build for the match.  There was much discussion about why Ted didnt have a similar gimmick to his father.

–  Everyone loved the double drapping DDT spot.  The camera totally missed the punt kick and everyone was pissed.

– Orton wins and we noticed the mini screen that would drop in the ring after matches for the first time.  This would be the topic of many jokes through-out the night.

– There was a skit involving women, santino, and slim jims.  We all loved Santino.

– Money in The Bank Ladder Match.  There was alot of talk of “Why does Kane have a black eye?”  Most of us wanted Christian to win.  It was really sloppy in some parts including a spot where Kofi ran up a ladder in the corner and totally failed at what he was trying to do, all of us boo’d that one.

–  My one friend was cheering for Jack Swagger the whole match and he actually won.  We all made fun of him when he couldnt get the briefcase down for what seemed like 10 minutes.  The rest of us were disappointed cause we figured Christian was winning and going to challenge Edge later in the night.  No one knew who Drew McIntyre was and didnt care so that might tell you something.

– Everyone loved the hall of fame video package just for the The Million Dollar Man.  We were all inticipating his trademark laugh and all cheered when he did it.

– HHH vs Sheamus.  Most people didnt know who Sheamus was including one guy yelling out, “This fool was champion?!?!?”  Everyone wondered was Sheamus was so fucking white.

– Alot of jokes during the match about HHH marrying Steph and then never losing a match.  It was during this match I noticed one of my favorite signs of the night, “HHH fears divorce.”

– HHH Won.  We were all disappointed because we all wanted the young guy to go over and alot of us wanted to see “The Razor’s Edge.”

– CM Punk vs Rey.  Both guys were wearing crazy gear: CM Punk had G.I Joe inspired tights and Rey was wearing some freaky Avatar get up.

– People loved CM Punk Gimmick comparing it to “Raven’s Flock from WCW.”  I love this gimmick too and I think its hilarious that CM Punk has turned himself into a Straight Edge Jesus.

–  Alot of talk about Serena’s massive tits, with good reason.  We also took to calling her Sinead cause of her shaved head.

– Rey won and it was an awesome match but we all expected it to go longer.  Apparently it only went six minutes, it was real good while it lasted though.

– Bret vs Vince: We were all excited for this match seeing as were from Canada and we all loved Brett when he wrestled.  Me and my friends all loved Vince’s famous strut when he came out to the ramp.

– He announced that The Hart Family would be the lumberjacks.  A couple guys really thought Diana Hart (British Bulldogs former wife) looked smoking hot.

– Basically Brett announced his family was on his side and then beat up vince…and then beat him up some more… and some more… and even more.  He beat him with a tire iron and a chair, Vince didnt even get some offense in.  This was getting to the point that we all wanted the match to end even though we loved Brett.  Brett finally put on the sharpshooter and we all cheered.

-Jericho vs Edge.  We all loved this match.  Alot of people expected Edge to win though and for him to hit the spear in the actual match but we were happy with the huge spot afterwards.  Basically Edge ran across both tables and speared Jericho into the dasher board.  People were upset that the spanish announce table didnt break.

– A couple people expected Jack Swagger to come out and challenge Jericho while he was so hurt (which would make a whole lot of sense) but it didnt happen.

– Women’s match.  We mostly didnt care but alot of my friends were impressed when the women started hitting their finishers because they didnt think the girls could “wrestle that good.”  We all cheered for Vickie Guerrero’s attempt at a frog splash and Eddie style taunts.  My one friend refused to believe that was Eddie’s real wife.

– Cena vs Batista.  Everyone watching with me was upset that Batista didnt do his trademark fireworks.  We were all bored by Cena’s entrance and we joked about not being able to take Cena’s seriously because he looked 12 years old.

– I went to the washroom for most of this match (damn spicy chip dip) but when I came back what I saw was pretty good actually.  Cena won and we all booed and then we made fun of him some more.

– Undertaker vs HBK: Undertaker’s wrestlemania streak on the line against Shawn Michaels career.  We were all really into the match uncluding one of my friends saying that this match made the whole show for him.  We popped huge for Shawn’s moonsault to the outside of the ring onto taker.

– The tombstone on the floor was cool as was all the kickouts.  It seemed like everyone in the room wanted HBK to win because we didnt want to see him retire and we cheered loudly when he kept kicking out of stuff.

– Taker tombstone Shawn and Shawn kicked out and we cheered.  Taker then told shawn to stay down and Shawn got up slowly and slapped taker hard in the face.  Taker then grabbed him and gave him an insane looking jumping tombstone that looked awesome.  Taker won.

– Shawn then did a long farewell and alot of us were upset he lost.  I figure hes not gonna be fully retired as did most of my friends so we werent too bummed about it.  Awesome match, not as good as last year but clearly great.

So that wraps up another Wrestlemania.  It got off to a rough start but overall it was a good show and I enjoyed myself.  I’m already working on my jokes for next year.

– Josh

Tonight was supposed to be the beginning of the “New Monday Night Wars” , the first night that TNA Wrestling would go head to head with WWE’s Monday Night Raw and try to gain popularity with wrestling fans in North America and all over the world.  I’ve been a huge wrestling fan since I was 4 years old, so to mark this occasion I decided to watch TNA for the first time in a long time and record the thoughts as I watched.  Luckily for you guys and for me I only caught half of the show.  Here we go…

Its 9:51 I turn on impact and what do I see Velvet Sky and her hot ass friends… good sign.

9:53- Replay of Sting beating up Hogan/Abyss.  So apparently I missed “The Main Event” because they had the match at the beginning of the show.

9:55- Sting is coming out to fight a mystery opponent. (boy he looks old, even with face paint on)

9:57: ITS RVDDD!!!

9:57:30- RVD squashed Sting in 30 seconds with a jumping sidekick and a rolling thunder in which sting was totally out of place.  Sting then beat the shit out of RVD with a bat, I guess Sting isnt a fan of the chronic.

9:59- According to the crowd “Sting Sucks.”

10:01- A blooded Hogan limps (not selling) to the ring as Sting KEEPS beating up RVD.  Security is keeping Hogan from the ring, so are they are building to a match that was hot in 1998?

10:04- Mike Tenay (who looks as old as Hogan) and Taz talk at the desk and then Kevin Nash and Eric Young come down to the ring.  Apparently they’re fighting Scott Hall & X-Pac… So this IS 1998.

10:06- Nash looks 8 million years old.  He looks like Oz without the costume.  Theyre going to commercial so I can only assume Kevin Nash is tired already.

10:09-  Commercial for Hot Tub Time Machine which is 400% more interesting then this wrestling show so far.

10:11-  “Hall is racist” chant, I bet they regret going live now.

10:12- Hall & X-Pac comes to the ring.  Man Hall is in rough shape and this is apparently after hes “gotten into shape.”  Hall is trying to act cool and its not working, go figure.  Hall wants Nash to show him the money apparently.

10:14- Apparently they’re having a match at the pay-per-view for “Fat Contracts.”

10:16- X-pac smacks Eric Young and security is all over them, apparently im watching Jerry Springer.

10:17 Eric Bicshoff tells Young to “beat pac’s bitch ass” so now they’re having a match.

10:18- After a hot brawl Young beats Pac in a minute with a piledriver.  God I hate impact.

10:23- Army guys are coming to the ring and Mike Tenay says, “The US Army is invading The Impact Zone!!”  why does the impact zone has massive oil reserves.

10:25-  Kurt Angle is out here and he loves the troops, what a swell guy.

10:27- Ken Kennedy (Ken Anderson) is talking, he hates the troops, hes the bad guy. (are we following?)

10:28- Mr. Anderson is wearing the exact same Captain america shirt I own, and I bought it at Universal, how bout that?

10:29- Troops beat up Anderson and Angle gives him The Angle Slam and stands on him waving the flag.  So is the feud over cause Kurt and his friends just beat the shit out of him very decisively here.

10:31:  Commercial.  Im wondering why Mr.Anderson was wearing a Cap shirt if he hates the troops in the storyline.  You know its the little details that count here and these promotion sucks at them.

10:34:  I come back from the bathroom and Hogan is talking with Bubba The Love Sponge and Referee Earl Hepner.  So I’ve been watching this show for 45 minutes and ive seen a minute and 30 seconds of wrestling, amazing.  If I wasnt PVR’ing Raw id be watching it now.

10:35- Apparently Hogan is afraid if he wrestles hes going to die, I’d be scared to if I looked as old and broken as him.

10:37-  Jeff Jarrett is on TV and now HES talking, I dont care at this point.  On a side note I can never forget how to spell Jeff Jarrett’s name due to his old J-E-Double F J-A-Double R-E-Double T WWF gimmick.

10:40- Different Hot Tub Time Machine commercial.  At this point it looks 600% better than this show.

10:41- Yay wrestling.  Its the greatest named team of all-time BEER MONEY vs Jeff Jarrett in a handicapped match.  Wait I thought BEER MONEY were good guys, im totally lost again.

10:43- A spinning Razor’s Edge on Jarrett that looks awesome, hes gotta be fucked now.

10:44- Jarrett is already up and kicking both guys asses.  Look everyone its Stone Cold Jeff Jarrett!!

10:45- Mick Foley (who apparently was a special ref) handed Jarrett a barb wire bat.  Another ref pulls it away and the distraction allows BEER MONEY to win.  (yes is was as confusing as it sounds here.)

10:46-  I never typed Jeff Jarrett so much in my life.

10:47- Brooke Hogan is backstage and crying.  Apparently her Dad never told her it was fake, maybe she still thinks Santa Claus is real?

10:48-  Brooke is a horrid actress and I dont really like the look of her face but that doesnt mean I wouldnt bang her.

10:49- Burger King commercial just aired that I enjoyed way more than this wrestling show.

10:52-  Apparently Ric Flair and AJ Styles are coming out for the “real” Main Event to fight Hogan and Abyss again.  AJ Styles is going a gimmick where he acts/dresses exactly like Flair.

10:53- I cant believe Hogan and Ric Flair two men in their late 50’s are main eventing a major wrestling show in 2010.

10:54- More Commercials.  This show is poorly planned at the least.

10:58- Ok here we go. The bell rings and Hogan & Flair are…. moving at a snails pace.  Hogan slams Flair into the barricade and Flair is already bleeding.

10:59- Hogan bites Flair’s head, I hope they both got their rabies shots.  Hogan knocks flair down with a poke in the eye, I dunno what this is but the crowd loves it.

11:01 Hogan takes off his belt and continues to beat the shit out of Flair.  Flair hit a low blow and the TNA Champ AJ Styles, ran in.

11:02: Styles taking it to Hogan.  I’m afraid one of the old guys is going to die on live TV.

11:03- Flair going to the top to try the move he hasnt hit in 25 years.  Hogan hot tags Abyss and Flair tags in AJ.  Abyss is beating the shit out of both of them, including giving a chokeslam to Flair that looked like it murdered him.  Flair looks like an extra in a horror movie at this point.

11:05- Hogan and Abyss both “Hulking Up” and the good guys win.  Thank god this shit is over.

11:07-  Bad guys start beating up good guys and then JEFF HARDY comes out.  He beats everyone up and then Spike cuts off the show before he hits his big move off the top.  So the company and the TV Station both cant do anything right.

11:08- Im going to have a stiff drink.

Overall, this show was a huge disappointment besides the one minute I saw Rob Van Dam and the 30 seconds I saw Jeff Hardy.  The future doesnt look good for TNA here.

I’ve been a fan of Zack Galifianakis ever since he was in the movie Out Cold (which is a great movie to watch if you havent already.) So naturally when I heard he was going to host SNL lastnight I set my cable box to PVR mode.  I havent watched a full episode of SNL in awhile.  Its not that I dont like the show because I think the current cast is awesome, its just that I never set aside time to really watch it so now that I got the PVR that will change for sure.  The opening monologue was pure gold as Zack did the wacky comedy that he is known for.  I’m still repeating the lines “Hey everybody, here comes the choo choo!!” in my head.  Then when he was on the piano and dropped the line about the kid who banged his teacher dying of a “high fiving incident” I nearly peed myself.  The skits were pretty funny.  I found the one where everyone was making out a tad gross when the dudes started tonguing each other and I thought “Whats up with that?” went a little too long and over-stayed its welcome, although Pull Rudd’s facial expressions were hilarious.  The Budoir skit where they constantly used that phrase was funny but my two favorites have got to be “Zack drops by the set” where they show him in the background of various NBC shows and the CNN parody which I died laughing at.  All in all in was a good episode, although I was disappointed in the lack of a digital short this week. If you have a chance to see this one I would  check it out for the opening monologue alone.

If you’re a big fan of Zack’s hes going to be appearing in a new comedy directed by Hangover director Todd Phillips called Due Date later this year.  The plot sounds pretty similar to the Hangover where an expectant father has to road trip across the country with a wacky stranger (played by Zack) in order to make the birth of his child.  The father is going to be played by Robert Downey Jr. so this one should be fun.  Also, The Hangover 2 is due out sometime in 2010.