Alright guys I’m back.  I was going to write a review of the last WWE pay per view but there were some issues (mainly im a lazy fuck) but I am back today with something even better.  I thought it was about time to introduce a new feature to the blog.  So without further ado (what the fuck is ado anyway?) from the man who brought you Hot or Not comes the brand new Who Would You Rather. That’s Who Would You Rather as in “Who would you Rather Fuck.”  I know I’m elegant you don’t have to keep telling me, anyway on with the show.

Kim?

Here’s how were going to do this thing.  I’m going to be comparing these two sexy beasts on looks, personality, and my overall impression of them.  I know I’m cheating a little bit with the above picture but looks wise Kim is a fucking goddess.  She’s got amazing REAL breasts, the face of an angel and a black girl’s ass (which I consider a bonus, don’t hide that baby Kim, just don’t.)  You would think that growing up  being the daughter of one of OJ Simpson’s attorneys ie: FUCKING RICH would turn Kim into a spoiled brat and obviously she’s grown up expecting a certain lifestyle but she seems pretty down to earth considering.   The only thing I would really hold against her is the fact that she’s banged A LOT of black dudes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love black people but you know the old saying, “Once you go black, other people’s cocks just aren’t big enough.”  So that does kind of taint things for me but let’s see how her competition stacks up shall we?

...or Kendra?

On the surface Kendra seems like great competition for Kim.  She also has a great body, a nice face, and she seems pretty fucking cool.  The only difference is one is a blonde and one is a brunette, case closed right?  Whoa whoa whoa, before you start masterbating rapidly (this includes you too girls) I have to dig deeper into the personality bit here.   While Kendra seems cool enough, (she likes football and she’s pretty goofy and spontaneous) she has some personality flaws I can’t stand.  First of all, she kept the ruse of being “engaged” to Hugh Hefner going way too long.  She was all ready to marry her current husband, “football” player Hank Baskett, and she just kept denying it and saying she was “with Hef.  Now I don’t know if that was a PR decision for the show or what not but it seems more like a young hot blonde tricking an old horny ass man to me.  Speaking of Hank, what planet do these two think they live on?  On their show they keep going on and on how how Hank is a famous football player.  now, to your average idiot housewife or single girl who has nothing better to do then eat ice cream all night and fawn over how amazing both of them are it may sound like a nice story but in reality Hank is NOT that good at football.  By “not that good” I mean that he played on the practice squad (not playing in actual games) for the Minnesota Vikings who were one of the worst teams in the league last year.  This team had half their receivers hurt at one point and they still refused to play this guy.  At this point he’s better off joining the Canadian Football League.  So this bitch walks around thinking she’s the shit because she got rich showing her tits for money and her husband is a shitty football player, do we all got that straight?   You think I would stop here and call this fight officially over but I got more to rant about.  When you watch her show, Kendra comes off as the most annoying person on earth.  She acts so dumb that she may be considered borderline retarded and all she does is buy things or complain that she needs things, that or she’s complaining that she wants to get fucked.  We get it, you’re a horny slut who wants your husband’s cock, does this have to be in EVERY episode?  What is the mass appeal of this kind of show?  I understand that they may stage it so she comes off dumber than she actually is but why in god’s name would you want to do that?   Why would you want millions of people to think that you are only one intelligence level above people who can barely go a whole day without shitting their pants?  Don’t even get me started on the opening of the show. The dancing and music are so horrible that when I first saw it I thought I was watching a spoof of the actual show.  When she’s dancing she looks like she has no skill at it whatsoever which surprises me because this girl has fucked more times in her life than I’ve even WATCHED PORN.  Fucking to her is an everyday habit, like brushing her teeth, actually I’m pretty sure she’s fucked more than she actually brushes her teeth.  The point is, you think someone who fucks for a living would be better at dancing.

I honestly thought this would be closer but the bottom line is Kendra annoys the fuck out of me and Kim Kardashian is a Goddess walking the earth, so Kim wins in a fucking landslide.  If you guys disagree with me feel free to leave a comment but then again if you disagree with me you’re an idiot 🙂

Oh, you thought we were done here?  I haven’t written a post in almost 4 days and there’s a lot I have to get off my chest so you sit there, read this, and you like it dammit.  As much as I hate that miserable cunt Lady Gaga, I cannot fucking STAND Chris Brown.  Last weekend all I heard whether it be Twitter or Facebook or some random person jabbering their worthless opinions in my ear all they were saying was stuff like “I hope Chris Brown does good at the Grammys.”  On Twitter THOUSANDS of people were trending #goodluckchrisbrown, wishing him luck on SNL and the Grammys the night after……. WHAT?!?!  Did I MISS something?!  You got to be fucking KIDDING ME RIGHT?!

 

Chris Brown: The Woman Beater

Do all these people fucking forget that a year ago, not three or four, or five years but a fucking YEAR AGO, this man beat the shit out of Rihanna.  If you’ve all forgotten, let me take a second and remind you all….

 

Rihanna: His Victim

He beat the shit out of her and THREATENED her life.  He plead guilty to FELONY ASSAULT and all he got was probation and six months community service and people want to wish him GOOD LUCK?!  Im sorry but this is just blowing my mind right now.  I decided to wait a couple days to write this post to see if I could calm down a bit but thinking about this makes me so fucking angry.  What is wrong with people?  This guy is a woman beater and people want him to do good?  What kind of fucked up society do we live in?  When I tried to bring this point up to some of these retards that were rooting for Chris Brown their response was, “Well he deserves it, he’s been through so much.”  WHAT………….  He’s been through so much, really he’s been through so much, what about the fucking woman HE BEAT UP?!  People are fucking stupid.  Chris Brown doesn’t deserve luck he deserves to get the fuck beat out of him or maybe shanked in an alley somewhere by people much more gangster than he is.  This guy is the biggest douchebag pussy ever.  He spends all his time beating woman but if he ever had to get in a fight with a man he’d probably piss his pants and run away.  Hell, I bet if Rihanna got the chance right now she could beat the shit out of him, actually I would pay to see that.    So in closing: FUCK Chris Brown and if you are one of the ridiculously stupid people that are actually cheer for this guy you might as well be a Nazi and I hate you too 🙂

Let’s just get the nice part out of the way before I rip into this bitch.  When Lady Gaga first came out I actually thought her first album was pretty good because whoever produced the songs on the album (too lazy to look it up) did a hell of a fucking job and made this bitch rich.  Now for one second forget about the fact that she wears retarded outfits that only moronic people would find “fashionable”, forget about the fact that she’s all fucked up in the head, and let’s also try to forget that I wouldn’t be in anyway surprised if it came out that this bitch had a dick and it was bigger than John Holmes’.  Okay, now that we’ve all done the Men In Black mind wipe on ourselves, Lady Gaga recently released her new single Born This Way and well trying to be cutting edge and original as always she blatantly ripped off Madonna’s 1989 hit Express Yourself. I actually did my research here, go ahead and listen to both songs on youtube and TELL me that this bitch didn’t try to rip off Madonna, Go ahead….I’ll wait…………………………

Rip off Artist?

All done?  Now lord knows I don’t even like Madonna at this point.  She’s old, she still thinks she looks like she’s 24, She’s too busy going to Africa and stealing babies and giving the villagers empty promises to realize everyone hates her (here), and I’m guessing that by this point her vagina looks like a Dagobah swamp.  Even so in the 80’s Madonna was the SHIT and if Lady Gaga thinks she is the next Madonna she better shut the fuck up and never sing again.  You don’t see Bruno Mars dancing like Elvis and you don’t see Justin Bieber in a mop top and a suit singing I Want To Hold Your Hand, so why is Lady Gaga allowed to get away with shit like this.  She’s not very attractive and I’m pretty sure Born This Way is a not so subtle hint to the world that she in fact has a cock… just saying.

The MMA world is buzzing after Fedor Emelianenko (31-3) lost to Antonio “Big Foot” Silva (16-2) during a Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix Tournament match Saturday at the Izod Center in East Rutherford, N.J.  Before his last two fights a lot of people STILL thought Fedor was the best Mixed Martial Arts Heavyweight in the world despite not facing any real competition since 2007.

 

Fedor seen looking like a Punch Out character

Fedor came at Silva and hit him with a couple hard shots during the fight but they didn’t faze him and by the end of the second round Fedor’s face looked like hamburger meat (see above) and the referee was forced to stop the fight.  Fedor grumbled something in broken English after the fight about retiring so many this will finally shut up all the people who kept saying for years that Fedor was the best in the world despite the blatant fact that he was ducking the world’s best competition.  In 2007, the UFC purchased PRIDE (the organization that Fedor was then affiliated with and the Heavyweight Champion of) and despite their best efforts to sign a unification match between Fedor and Randy Couture the deal fell apart.  Now whether it be Fedor’s strict management team, money, or the fact that Fedor himself was scared, the bottom line is this:  UFC is where the best competition is in the world right now and if you’re not fighting there then you are not the best, end of discussion.  Fedor went on to fight for lesser MMA organizations like M-1 Global, getting more wins and fueling this ridiculous notion that he was still the best in the world.  That is, until he signed with Strikeforce and last June lost to Fabricio Werdum via submission and now (as if there was any doubt left) losing to Silva on Saturday night.  I argued with people for years that Fedor was washed up and since he refused to go to UFC he knew it and his management team knew it.  To me, they only had a certain amount of time that Fedor could hide behind his “legend” before taking on legitimate fighters and having to earn the title of “Best in the World.”  Now hopefully after this loss everyone can shut the fuck up about this guy being the best… sorry Fedor fans.  Oh well, at least he’s still the WAMMA Champ.

Well nerds everywhere were either jizzing themselves to death or complaining to their moms about the official trailer for X-Men: First Class that was released yesterday (see above.)  The movie stars James McAvoy as a young Professor X and Michael Fassbender as a young Magneto and takes place during the cold war.  At the time the two were partners at Xavier’s school for the gifted and this tells the story of their relationship and eventual split and the origin stories of some mutants, including Beast.

McAvoy has been in some shit movies I dont care about and Michael Fassbender is best known as the British Secret Service Agent in Inglorious Basterds.  Fassbender should be awesome as Magneto and i’m interested to see how they build to him slowly turning on Xavier.  I’m kind of pissed because “The first class” in the comics consists of Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, Jean Grey & Professor X.  Now since only two of those have major (if any) role in this movie, I’m a little skeptical but im willing to give this one a shot.  It cant be as bad as X-Men 3 can it?

It’s that time again boys and girls, the long awaited return of Hot Or Not? These by far have been my most popular blog posts and the Snooki Hot or Not article I did (here) has been looked at most then anything on this fucking site.  Side note: What the fuck is wrong with people?  Anyway, keeping with that tradition and seeing as how Thursdays are Jersey Shore days I submit for your approval: J-Woww: Hot Or Not? Lets get it on…

J-Woww Hot...

J-Woww is an interesting subject here.  Let’s not beat around the bush here and just come out and say it, the first thing you notice on this broad is her massive perfect tits…..and…uh…and….what…. oh sorry I got caught in their gaze, her chest is like a fucking Madusa’s head.  Her tits are obviously massive and perfect because they’re fake (points off if thats not your thing) but I don’t see that as a reason to penalize her here.  Her body is awesome but her skin looks pretty fucking horrible when it’s not airbrushed to shit.  If I could take airbrushed Jenni home I would in a heartbeat.  I’ve jerked off to the above picture 4 times alone while writing this article but seeing as how I am all about journalistic integrity let’s dig a little deeper shall we?

J-Woww not...

First thing I hate…THE FUCKING DRAGON TATTOO.  This thing has got to go.  She’s like one of those douchebags that wants flames or tribal tattoos all over their body, it’s not cool and it makes you look fucking stupid.  It looks like a fucking 12 year old doodled this on her for an art project… Classy.    On closer inspection she looks kind of shitty without makeup on, not Fergie esque or anything but not the greatest.  Makeup is one for the greatest illusions in the last 50 years or so.  Sometimes seeing a really hot chick without makeup is like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real or watching Optimus Prime die in the 1986 animated Transformers film and realizing he’s not coming back….just so disappointing.  My main concern is her fucking attitude.  This bitch swears like a fucking sailor, beats the shit out of girls and dudes alike, and fucking acts like an alpha male in any relationship shes in.  As soon as there is any signs of confrontation with people she responds with either a “fuck you” or a punch to the face.  Sometimes I like fiesty women but I don’t want a chick to have bigger fucking balls than I do.  Sometimes when I watch her on TV her attitude is so annoying that I want to mute the television but then Snooki shows up and I’d give anything for JWoww’s shrill voice over anything Snooki is doing.  Ultimately this case comes down to the eternal question of: If this chick asks you to fuck would you say yes?  And Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot tell I lie… I would fuck J-Woww faster than you could say STD.  Finally one in the “Hot” column here at the blog.  What do you guys think, did I make the right decision?  Comment, E-Mail, or Tweet me your replies and let’s see if I made the right choice here.

So the new trend going around the internet appears to be mixing Justin Bieber with other celebrities (specifically rappers) and seeing what the fuck comes out of the oven.  First I showed you the internet sensation Bieber Cent and now I’ve come across a mind boggling yet hilarious picture mashing up New Orleans’ own Lil Wayne with The Biebs.  Prepare your eyes cause some of you may be sick……

 

Birdman Jr Jr

A beautiful Child there that any father would be proud of I’m sure.

Come Across this video when I was on the Figure Four website and I thought I’d share it with everyone.  It is CM Punk rap battling John Cena during a commercial brake before their match on last night’s Raw. Say what you will about Cena’s lame ass rapping but I think CM Punk actually did pretty good. (Hurry up and watch cause WWE will probably take it down soon.)

 

Good Afternoon friends, I hope you’re all enjoying your Super Bowl hangovers today.  I was going to talk about the game itself or the commercials (which I had to watch online because im Canadian… dont get me started) instead I’m gonna discuss the most ridiculous part of the whole thing, the fucking halftime show.  First of all, the question on everybody’s mind: WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT?!  It looked like the Black Eyed Peas took a time machine from either the future or a horrible 1980’s sci-fi movie. I shit you not Will.I.Am looked EXACTLY like Wesley Snipes’ character in Demolition Man.

uhhh wtf?

What is that thing on his head a fucking condom?  Correct me if im wrong but I don’t think rubbers on your head is the new thing (I don’t hang around with a lot of black people so I could be wrong.)

 

Will.I.Am?

Then that brings me to Fergie…… Fergie oh Fergie.  Aside from pissing your pants in front of the 162 million people watching the Super Bowl I didn’t think you could look that bad.  They gave you enough makeup to cover up all your meth sores and aside from awkwardly trying to fuck Slash’s guitar you didnt do half bad.  Wait…. did YOU pick out the horrible outfit?!  I can hear the FOX executives talking right now:

Fox Brass: Well uh, we don’t want to have another Janet on our hands so lets have this bitch dress like a line backer that way no one will have to see her gross ass clevage and the 4% of people left in America that want to fuck Fergie will now think twice.

Seriously, Fergie looked like Road Warrior Hawk out there and despite how cool that may sound that is in no way a compliment.

 

 

This man is rolling around in his grave.

We went from Linkin Park on SNL Saturday looking like they came straight out of The Matrix (if you missed it, you didnt miss much) to The Black Eyed Peas on Sunday looking like they came back from the future to warn the world that the gangs from Mad Max would be taking over in the near future.  I understand that some artists want to appear to hip and cool and “Edgy” and to be fair I don’t know if the outfits were their idea (probably) or the network’s but seriously….THIS is what you came up with.  The people in the stadium and watching at home don’t want to feel like their watching the half time show from Super bowl 134 on the Sci-Fi network.  I’m pretty sure instead of getting the crowd all pumped up it deflated them for the beginning of the 3rd quarter and did irreversible dammage to all who witnessed it.  I had the TV on mute the entire time (except for from Slash came out) and I still can’t get the IMAGES out of my fucking head.  Next time keep it simple and the half time show won’t be seen as a disaster to all who watch it.  And with that I have one thing to say: OHHHHH WHAT A RUSHHHHHHH!!!! (cue the music)

If you’re anything like me you hate the Pittsburg Steelers and don’t want them to even come close to winning Super Bowl 45 later today. Why do I hate the Steelers so much? Well one good reason is that their quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is a RAPIST. He got up to some pretty sketchy behavior in the off-season and now everyone is talking about how the fans of the Steelers will forgive him if they win the big game and that it will be a redemption for him in a way…..uh what? He’s a fucking RAPIST (allegedly *cough*) and now people will forgive him cause he’s good at throwing a fucking ball. By the way what sort of famous person has to RAPE GIRLS?! Dude here’s a piece of advice: If she says no there’s about 3004534209443 other girls that WILL fuck you, don’t get too worked up over it.

So, While I love Wiz Khalifa (his mixtape he put out last year, Kush & OJ was awesome) I find it hard to like his new song Black & Yellow because he’s from Pittsburg and the song obviously is repping the Steelers.  Lucky for me Lil Wayne has come along and made a remix of the song to represent the less rapey of the two teams in the superbowl: The Green Bay Packers.  If you want to get pumped up for the big game, are a packers fan, or hate rapists, it’s a good listen.

Song can be found HERE. Enjoy the game!!!