Posts Tagged ‘Rebecca black’

Alright, back to business today on the blog.  I had a cold/flu but that’s no excuse as I was over it 4-5 days ago and out of pure laziness didn’t want to post anything.  Luckily for me I got some people that actually want to write on the blog for me now so I don’t have to do any work if I don’t want too.  Tomorrow I will be writing about how I hate the acting abilities of one, Forest Whitaker but for now enjoy my friend Matt as he rips apart the internet’s newest sensation: Rebecca Black.

EDITORS NOTE:  The Video for the song can be found here. Also the song is fucking horrible, you’ve been warned.

Rebecca Black is a bitch. There. Had to be said. Don’t get all “oh boo hoo, she’s only 13” crap. Lots of people much younger than her have gotten in trouble for much less. By now I’m sure you’re well aware of her crimes. I will say this though; every now and then, something comes along that unites the internet. For this I give her credit. Probably not for the reasons she’d prefer but take what you can get. The song has been covered hundreds of times already. Surprising, considering it just came out recently. Kind of reminds you of some other song that’s been covered millions of times with the word “Day” in it. That’s right McCartney, everyone’s laughing at you too.

I think in her mind, she performed a light hearted pop song and expected to turn into Britney Spears. She got her wish, but ended up as the bald crazy version that everyone laughed at. Why is she a bitch, you ask? Something about this video just screams good wholesome fun. It alludes to partying but never really specifies. Yoohoo on the swingset? Don’t mind if I do! But R.B is far above this. At 1:23 she informs us “I got this, you got this, my friend is on my right”. Which is a very sweet sentiment….or is it. Note that SHE IS SITTING IN BETWEEN TWO GIRLS. WHAT IS HER RELATIONSHIP TO THE GIRL ON THE LEFT?! The song makes such a big deal about not knowing which seat to take, yet she somehow makes the wrong choice. The song should about consequences and repercussions. You know what, NO. It’s not a sweet sentiment. None of it is! She’s just stating things that are happening.

Jesus, the word Friday is said 26 times in the song, in the off chance that you forgot the title. Something about this is so Beiber like. I researched the production company and video makers. They have a large amount of videos like this featuring songs written by grown men for kids to sing. That itself is a whole ‘nother topic. It’s clear this production company is jumping on a trend of getting moderately attractive (I didn’t like typing that) children singing songs that don’t matter but with topics we all can relate to. Seat choices. Cereal. Not knowing what day of the week is next. This isn’t a dig against pop music. People who know me know about my love of a catchy melody, but this just takes it too far. It’s completely devoid of any emotion whatsoever. This is coming from a guy who paid $1.39 for an LFO song in iTunes that WASN’T “Summer Girls”. That alone earns me the right to knock R.B, as the thuggish lothario refers to her as, down a few rungs. Really. A rap break. How many years has it been since a song needed an urban breakdown. Soul Decision’s “Faded” is the last song that comes to mind. Well hell, if it’s good enough for SOUL DECISION…(Seriously, that’s how I live my life. Every opportunity I get, I have to ask myself if Soul Decision would do it or not. I’ve passed up some great things).

Like I mentioned earlier, she united the internet with a wave of mediocrity. There’s nothing about this that stands out. It’s kind of like when you’re in high school, and everyone sees the principal walk into a glass door. Now the football players are laughing with the math kids and the drama kids are whooping it up with the stoners. That’s pretty much what she did for the internet. How does that Windex taste, Rebecca?